i tried cocaine last night

My whole freaking life I’ve been terrified not only of drugs themselves, but of the people who do them.  I think I must have been one of the only kids whom D.A.R.E’s advertising actually worked on.

Views I have on life have changed a lot in the past three years and I have been trying to open myself up to new ideas continually.  Drugs are an area I wasn’t sure I should even try to dabble in for fears of developing addictions, but honestly the biggest fear was something along the line of having a complete mental break down or having a heart-attack; ultimately death.

I know this is rare for a 26-year old these days, but I had never even smoked weed until I was about 24.  When I did it then it was a one off thing.  Now I have friends who make it available anytime and about a month ago I was getting high nearly every day.  My only reason was to simply experience it.  I really don’t find getting high on marijuana that wonderful, I’d say I could take it or leave it.  But I would like to believe that experiencing it for myself helped me drastically reduce my prejudice against others who smoke a lot.

Our whole understanding of life is based on ideas and thoughts that we form growing up.  For me, to reverse the negative thoughts and attitudes I have towards certain beliefs or things, I need to try them.  I’ve always needed to understand things for myself, and I don’t regret it at all.  Smoke away all you green grass lovers!

Cocaine was something I really did feel afraid of.  I don’t know about you, but it was a pretty heavy drug in my mind.  I went to a friends birthday party last night and they brought some out on a plate.  I immediately felt scared, but beyond scared I was deeply intrigued.  Here in front of me was a drug that is so looked down upon, yet so loved by others.  So bad, but so good.  How could I not want to experience it for myself?  So I did it.  I snorted up a small line of coke using an old dollar bill after making my friends explicitly describe how to do it a couple times.  It burned a little, but was easier than I expected.  Then I sat there and continued playing cards with them.  After about ten minutes I felt pretty good.  It was a high that was different than a weed high.  I felt more myself actually, and after another 15 minutes it seemed to wear off.

I’d totally do it again.

Cocaine was a good experience for me, and guess what?!  I didn’t die.

I hope that I’m not sending the wrong message here.  I suppose what I’m trying to really send is the idea that things, whether we’re talking about drugs, or religion, or guns, or whatever other controversial object can be used here, are not and cannot be labeled good or bad.  There is a large philosophical ocean I could dive into with this, but all I’m trying to say is figure out for YOURSELF what’s good or bad for you.  I am coming to the belief that it’s all in moderation.

I will say, I never want to do drugs based off of a craving, or because of pain.  I am fully aware that this leads to substance abuse and I only want to use them for recreational purposes.

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