family, love ’em or leave ’em?

For every year I’ve spent out of the house, family get’s harder and harder to be around.  I find myself constantly dreading the time we have to be together and I feel pretty awful about it.  I wonder if this is normal?  I wonder if other people suffer through this time as well?  I wonder if anyone else ever wishes they could ditch these psychos and go be with their own friends?

I would like to believe I’m not the only one who feels this way, but I am deeply jealous of the families who actually like each other.  I feel particularly bad when spending time with my dad.  I love my dad very, very much, but WHY is it so hard to not be annoyed??

I’ve seriously considered writing off my family because I feel as though I totally shut down around them.  My siblings are a lot older than myself and our relationships all suck.  My aunts and uncles are super religious and I have yet to announce my recent de-conversion.  My mom is a little coo coo, and my dad is great but hard to get a word in edgewise when he’s around.  So…what do you do?

How do you cope with these family dynamics?  When do you just decide to stop trying for a relationship with people who you just never seem to make any progress with?

This blog is one way for me to open up to someone, but I hate it, I hate that I can’t be myself with my own family.  I hate that I feel like I need other people, people I don’t know, to open up to.  I hope someday that will change.  The goal is to bring these two worlds together I suppose.  Maybe someday I’ll share this blog with my friends and family, but it will take a lot of courage, and I like having the privacy for now.

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