an awkward visit

this post has no real value, just a little ranting.

it is currently the third day of a five day stay from a visiting friend and i at this point in time i’d be willing to pay $125-150ish for their early departure.

am i a terrible friend and person?

OK, so this person staying with me is a guy who i’ve known know for about 4 years.  we met while working together at a restaurant and at the time he had a girlfriend and i wasn’t too interested in dating anyone seriously so we only ever talked about friendship-type of things.  we were such good friends then, but now…4 years later though we have kept contact over the years, it has become painfully clear that we have grown further apart in life and the old connection we once had is completely gone.4r

this loss is sad.  i’m not sure when it all happened exactly but the phase he is in is a phase that i moved in and out of very quickly.  i no longer enjoy drinking all day and night, i don’t find drugs to be something that i need in my life, i’m no longer sex-driven, and i just find it straight out hard to connect to people that are still in that phase.  i don’t mean to look down upon him, but i just can’t help but feel like we’re now worlds apart and it’s hard for me to feel the attraction i might once have felt by knowing we were more similar.

so he’s here in KC, most likely disappointed that i’ve had him staying on the couch haha.  man…is there something wrong with me??  the person i used to be would totally be hittin’ that ya know?  he’s a good looking guy, i just can no longer give myself to someone i don’t have those deeper feelings for.  and he drinks alllll day. and has no input on what he’d like to do, and today, after a night of partying he just sat around with earphones in listening to music, not eating the food i made, and then sleeping from 5-11pm.  why, why did i agree to this visit LOL

why am i writing about this?  probably because being together is too awkward and i’d rather just sit here on my computer.

i’m gonna try my best to suck it up for the last 2 days, show him the city and maybe attempt to get him to have an adult conversation.  i know the moment he leaves i’ll have felt like a failure and jerk, but i just suck a faking it.

good luck if you find yourself in this same position :p

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